Posted in humor

First Person Narrative

Junior has to write an essay over the weekend. His first big-boy homework! The subject is “My First ____”. They had to brainstorm ideas for a topic, then they had to fill in a sheet that basically was a way of drafting the essay. He was actually pretty far along with it already, so I have no doubt this one is in the bag.

His essay is “My First Red Sox Game” which happened to occur a month or so ago. That’s right, my son, the nine year old, had never been to a game, mostly because it’s impossible to get tickets. These were the crappy seats you get for free (one game) when you join Red Sox Nation.

Anyhoo, he and I got to talking about First Person Narratives that you just don’t want to read. He and I started a list, and I will continue it for you.

My First Diaper Rash
The First Time I Ate Peas
My First Poo
The First Time I Watched Blue’s Clues
My First Big Boy Underwear

Share
Posted in Uncategorized

A Hittable Pitch? PSYCH!

Way to go, Buchholz. We’ll try to give you a little room, and not be too harsh if you falter a bit in your next start, but we are looking forward to VERY GOOD THINGS from you. Okay?

I’ll even forgive you for being called up so that there was no chance I would see you start at my first Pawsox game yesterday. (Holy crap, what a great place to see a game. Even though we got creamed by the Scranton Yankees. Even though our seats were in the middle of the row and the people on the ends didn’t have a firm grasp on the art of letting people by.) Next year we will definitely grab more tickets earlier in the season. And I can’t say that the fun of the day didn’t have anything to do with the family we went with – thanks P, L, A and C for a lovely day!

Junior (and the other two boys) got the Pawsox team baseball cards, so we have the Buchholz card front and center today.

Share
Posted in Uncategorized

Me and My Wide Stance

Senator Craig says he has a wide stance, and that’s why when he sits on the toilet in a men’s room, his foot goes all the way under the door and touches the foot of the person sitting next to him.

I have to tell you, I tried to do this at work (the other stall was empty) and I almost fell off the toilet.

I am starting to think that maybe, just maybe, Senator [as of this minute] Craig may just be creating what we at the Dump House like to call “a story.” Every once in a while Junior tries to pass off a story to cover up whatever he is doing/has done and my standard response is “do I look stupid to you?” That’s the point where he comes clean.

I’m thinking that I should start writing outright lies about my life. You know, to spice things up. And if anyone calls me on it, I’ll explain it’s because I have a wide stance.

Share
Posted in Uncategorized

Is This Candid Camera?

(You young people might not catch this reference. So I think maybe I could call this post “Am I Being Punked?”)

Yesterday was one of those days. Mr. Dump had an appointment for a small surgical procedure, and I had an appointment with my doctor. I also had Junior (I have him again today…last two days before school starts so no more camp). I used up a tank of gas just driving around from appointment to appointment yesterday. Junior got an invite to his friend’s house, but she lives in Gardner, so that was 20+ minutes each way. What was great, though, is that it meant someone was watching him while I was in my appointment.

After Mr. Dump was out of recovery and I settled him back in at home, I went back to Gardner to get Junior. We decided to stop at the Hannaford at Twin City Mall on the way home to get something for dinner. While standing with my cart trying to think of the other things I wanted to buy (iced tea and potato rolls) a guy was standing about 6 feet to my right. I catch some activity out of the corner of my eye and see…a copy handcuffing him. Nothing was being said, it was all very quiet. I quickly made sure Junior was still standing behind me (and wasn’t planning to scoot around the cart over to where this was happening. I could feel my blood pressure go up 20 points. I made eye contact with a couple of people standing in the 12 items or less line (which is what we were standing near) and we all had this “Are you kidding me?” look on our faces.

I can honestly say I have never stood that close to someone being arrested. I mean, to the point that I felt like I was assisting the cop…that’s how close they were to me. Junior kind of took the whole thing in stride, like this stuff happens all the time. Maybe I should ask more questions about what goes on a summer camp!

Share
Posted in Uncategorized

Mostly Monday

Sorry for the lack of posting. Did you notice? I was giving myself a little break from the computer, and when you do that, well, all hell breaks loose.

I could blame it on the Red Sox sweeping the White Sox in grand style. I mean really, if we can’t win 30-3 in one game, we could have four 10+ games in a row. I’m okay with that, really I am. If you’re looking for more in-depth analysis, of course, I defer to my resident expert over at Red Sox Soul. I’m just a back seat driver when it comes to this stuff.

School starts this week, and I think we’re more nervous and excited about it than Junior is. He’s moving to the LEAP program at the newly re-designed Southeast Math and Science Elementary school. We’re bummed about leaving JA and all his best friends there, but I think this is going to be an amazing year for him. One way or another.

Share