The Big DumpTruck

You know, just when you thought you could afford groceries… Two bills show up that make you wonder if you really *need* two cars.

This stupid winter! It’s been crazy windy for months. A couple of weeks ago it blew shingles off the roof and exposed plywood. That’s just GREAT! After spending forever trying to find a roofer who would even return my calls, I finally got someone to come out to patch it. We’ll call him Crazy Roofer Guy cause I’m pretty sure he is. When he called me the other day he acted like i should now who he is. My cell phone caller ID only provides so much backgbround info, CRG. and then of all the days he could have come to fix it, he picked today. It was zero out.

Now we have another bill tomorrow for something completely out of the blue that we may get reimbursed for, but who knows when that will happen. Not going into any details, of course. I could really use a chest of pirate treasure in the backyard. I should maybe look for that tomorrow. I think that’s when Crazy Roofer Guy said he’d be back to pick up a check. I think I’ll pay him in dubloons.

I don’t have a Golden Globe. We do have a globe, but it’s planet-colored. I think most of the countries are right, but I haven’t checked it in a while. I may need to take a Sharpie to a few ne’er-do-well countries – I should have kept a list during the Olympics.

I also did not get any ultra swaggy gift bags. I call foul on that one. I hear you get electronics and pimple cream. Well, I’m basing that entirely on a radio commercial for said pimple cream. I have to suspect that most folks rip through the bags, pull out the Blackberry Storms and iPhone’s and leave the pimple cream on the table near the empty vodka bottles and shrimp flotsam.

I’m glad I didn’t go because I don’t have anything to wear that wouldn’t make the bag lady section of the fashion mags. If I was a super-hot starlet I would try to bring back the Laura Ingalls look. I think hot me could pull it off.