Posted in lists

Saturday Around The Palace d’Jody

Posted on by The Jody

Greetings, my loyal subjects and people who wandered by because they were searching for dumptrucks on Google and thought this looked interesting. I have no dumptrucks for sale. I never did, and probably never will. I feel confident saying that, given that I’m a horrible salesperson. Now when I do eventually own that toystore/amusement park I’ve always wanted, maybe I will have some little toy dumptrucks on the shelf. I reserve the right to sell toy trucks – just not the big real ones.

It’s fifty degrees and raining here today. I left the Palace d’Jody earlier today to get the blood test I forgot to get last week, and I was wearing clothing that was ENTIRELY INAPPROPRIATE FOR THE WEATHER. It really isn’t short sleeved shirt and sandals weather. I came home, put on socks and a nice comfy sweater. It was like putting on a hug. A hug that makes me want to take a nap. A hug that you wish could get up and make lunch for you while you took that nap. Science should really get to work on this, stat.

I have things I could be doing right now. I could be going onto Netflix to adjust my queue. I received a copy of The House Bunny today, which is what reminded me that I’m the person responsible for making sure there are only good movies in my queue, and it’s my own damned fault that this movie was in my mailbox.

I have to go through my Disney photos from the April trip and put some of them online. I have a bunch of photos of the new Bay Lake Towers resort. I miss our room, with its view of the lake. Other than having a castle view from the Contemporary Tower, this may be my new favorite resort view I’ve ever had. While I do love the Savannah views at Animal Kingdom Lodge, it’s not the greatest view when there aren’t any animals.

I have to go grocery shopping, but that’s not even worth talking about. Because I don’t want to do it. I didn’t want to do laundry either, but that doesn’t require me to leave the house, so I already have a load sloshing around happily. If I thought I was going to have to IRON any of it, we’d be wearing disposable clothes right now. Another thing science should get working on.

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Posted in humor, lists

Brainstorming New Hit TV Shows

Posted on by The Jody

I think Hollywood is just crying out for my ideas. Not that they have approached me in any way, unless they are getting caught up in my spam filter. That’s always possible. Hey, Hollywood, if you’ve emailed me and I didn’t get back to you, try sending me a @ reply on Twitter or something. I don’t mean to keep you waiting.

Here is the currently list of show ideas I’m ready to pitch to the first person willing to listen. Or you guys, because you didn’t know any better when you started to read. But remember, I posted these here first so no trying to steal my ideas to become big entertainment industry hot shots. That’s MY goal.

This is the list, in no particular order.

  • Bombbob Explodeypants – Kids love guys named Bob wearing pants of some sort, and they love explosions. This show would be like printing money.
  • My Peeps – A gang of completely identical marshmallow chicks share an apartment. Hilarity ensues when week after week we can’t tell the characters apart unless they are speaking.
  • Why Fie – Not a show about wireless internet access, this is a show that asks the question “Why do we need a worldwide governing organization for amateur Olympic fencing”?
  • Your Call Is Important to Us – Game show where ordinary people with everyday problems see who has to wait on hold the longest for a customer service rep. Bonus points are awarded when the contestants guesses match 
    • which company’s tech support line will be the least efficient
    • the exact numbers the caller must press to get into the correct queue for their problem, and
    • whether or not the person answering the phone will be able to handle the caller’s issue(s) without transferring the call to another rep.

Hollywood, I await your call.

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Posted in coolness, Uncategorized

I’d Rather Be in New Zealand

Posted on by The Jody

I was looking at my iGoogle page, to see what depressing weather forecast they had for me. The odd thing is that I saw “Marlboro” listed twice. The background on Marlboro is that is where I used to work, in Massachusetts, until my company moved my department down to the Smithfield, Rhode Island campus. It’s an awesome building, and I love it. It’s just not in Marlboro. (Trust me, I’ve done all the testing to verify it.)

I don’t know how my iGoogle weather gadget came to have Marlboro listed twice. More importantly, I don’t know how it came to have Marlboro listed twice with two entirely different forecasts on it. One of them, specifically labeled Massachusetts, says it’s 48 degrees right now, and that it is raining (it is) and that it will be raining tomorrow, and that it will only be about 58 degrees. Yay.

The other Marlboro says it’s currently 68 and sunny. Well, that is odd because it’s not sunny at all here right now. It’s quite dark, given that it’s 9:30pm. And it says it’s already Wednesday. Hmmm.

Clicking the link to Mystery Marlboro opens up a map that I do not recognize. I don’t know any of the place names. I have to back out to see more of the map to realize it’s an island (Oh, how I WISH I WAS ON AN ISLAND IN THE SUN ENJOYING 68 DEGREES!)

Marlboro is a region in NZ that covers mountains down to the pacific ocean. There are apparently a lot of wineries in this area. I’m thinking Marlboro NZ kicks Marlboro Massachusetts’ ass. They have an aviation museum and a sheep sheering attraction. I’m pretty sure Marlboro MA doesn’t have that.

So New Zealand, you have won this round. But our summer is coming and yours is leaving, so I’ll be checking in again in a few months.

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Posted in Uncategorized

Why I’m Not Talking to You About My Diet

Posted on by The Jody

So around the beginning of the year, January 2nd to be exact, I finally got fed up with my weight, AND heard some very good things about a simple and free app for the iPhone/Touch. I like simple. I like free. Who doesn’t? The app is called LoseIt! and basically you enter your vitals (age, height, weight) and how much you would like to lose total, and how much you want to lose per week (.5, 1, 1.5 or 2 pounds a week). Boom you’re done. You have a daily budget, and now you just log everything you eat, or all your activities. 1/2 an hour of bowling? That’s 105 calories my friend.

I’m closing in on losing 20 pounds now. I don’t think this weekend is bringing me any closer, but I probably won’t GAIN anything either. I seem to have started to be able to eyeball things pretty well. I’ve gained a level of self-control that I never had before. For example, after eating my Caribbean salad with grilled chicken at Chili’s (instead of unlimited chips and queso and a big juicy burger) I did NOT grab a spoon and dig into the community dessert. I could have, I would have just had to figure out how to add it to my cals for the day, but I didn’t WANT to because it would take me just that much longer to FINALLY get to the 20 pound mark. Which I had hoped to do by now, but hey, that’s just how it goes. I can safely tell you that as I come up on 3 full months on this diet, I have NEVER stayed with anything this long. South Beach, which was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do (as a carb addict) lasted about 2 months, I think. Yes, I did lose some weight, and I learned a lot about carbs and what they do to your body, but I gained it all back because there was no way I could go without carbs. I’m not wired that way. I’m pretty sure I could give up meat and veggies if you told me that I could live completely on carbs. Sign me up for the bread and butter diet. I’m THERE.

Anyway, I’ll probably check in periodically when I hit milestones, but otherwise, I’ll try not to bore you with things like the discovery that half (one section) of a Take 5 candy bar is only 100 calories. (Fear of boring you is why I’m not going to talk to you about my diet.) You holier than thou people who are horrified of someone eating a candy bar on a diet should move along right now, because once a month, if I can’t have a little something candy-bar-ish, I start writing a hit list. And getting that out of my system with 100 calories of a candy bar (or 4 Hershey Kisses with almonds, for 25 calories each) keeps me ON the diet. There’s no “I blew it so I should just forget the whole thing” because the calories are measured cumulatively over the course of a week. If I go over my daily budget on Tuesday, I have Wednesday through Sunday to be under that number of calories. A daily budget of 1600 calories is actually a weekly budget of 11200 divided by 7. Get it?

So anyway, because I’m actually being successful with this simple little tool, and because I want to share the love, as some of my friends did with me, I highly recommend LoseIt! Now I have to go add coffee and peanut butter english muffin to my log. I’m saving some calories for a light beer tonight. Living the dream, kids!

If only there were a free wealth-gaining app called “Find It!” I would be writing this to you from my own private island. Someone get to work on that.

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