Posted in humor

Stuck In Traffic

Hey everyone. Sorry for not posting. I’ve been stuck in a traffic jam for the last 10 days and, well, you know AT&T coverage – it’s nothing if not spotty out here, so I apologize for the radio silence!

Sure, it seems unfathomable that a traffic jam would last 10 days, but you have to admit, we’re a persistent lot. I don’t want to leave my car to go look for food and shelter, because, what if the line starts to move? It could start to move any second, and I don’t want my car blocking the way.

I’ve been passing the time playing Angry Birds on my iPhone, writing in my journal, and trying to figure out how to poop without 10 miles of other people seeing me. That’s actually what most of my journal entries are about, to be honest. It’s riveting reading.

Luckily, we have plenty of food. Someone passed out Walmart sandwich meat and Hillandale Farms eggs. I think eating this food will take my mind off thoughts of going to the bathroom.

In the mean time, I’m going to go play some more Angry Birds. I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to finish level 3-6 any day now!

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Posted in humor

Who Are You?

I get personally offended when a website I have previously told to remember me treats me like a perfect stranger. Look, I told you to remember me. I TOLD you.

“Here’s my name, next time I’m here, remember me.”

“No problemo! I am so happy you’re here, I’m going to remember you so that the next time you stop by, you won’t have to remember what name you used to log in.”

“Cool! So when I come back in a few weeks, you’ll be like ‘hey! it’s you!”

“Absolutely!”

[two weeks later]

“Hey, it’s me!”

“And you are?”

“Me! Remember, I was just here! I gave you my name, told you to remember me, and you said you would!”

“I’ve never seen you before. Name Please.”

“But…but…”

“Name?”

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Posted in complaint department

Why the “Local” Paper is a Joke

Our local paper, the Sentinel and Enterprise Sucks. Well, not for Fitchburg, just for Leominster. There is a bias against Leominster that just about anyone you talk to has noticed. A shame since they were the ones who bought out the Leominster Enterprise all those years ago to create a ” Twin Cities”-focused paper. Not any more.

WHY do they hate Leominster? Who knows. The storms the other night caused a fire in Leominster, but you wouldn’t know that from reading the Sentinel’s website. I saw the story on Bostonchannel.com, and it appeared to be just up the street from my house. So yes, of course I’m interested. That storm was big local news! Even when it was being covered on television, the focus was on Leominster, not Fitchburg, because of the path of the storm. So maybe some feelings got hurt? (Trust me, next time there’s a horrible storm, Fitchburg can keep it.)

Thinking they needed an extra day to get the story, I went to their web site today. Nothing about the fire, but they DO have the following top story: Russia Probes Parasailing Donkey Stunt. Please note, dear readers, that this story is covered on the “Local” section of the paper.

Fitchburg Sentinel, this is why you suck and I will not even miss you when you’re gone.

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