Apparently my name is “The Jody of Massachusetts.” Sorry other Jodys.
Category: Uncategorized
Dora the Explorer Follow Up
It’s been 7 years since we had this discussion, and I’ll be honest, she might live in Mexico. I don’t think I ever researched the actual answer on that one. And I still think Boots will turn on her.
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Michael Comes Out of Anesthesia
The boy had some oral surgery today. Here are some choice quotes from right after he woke up and we were allowed in the recovery room.
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He drooled some blood onto his shirt. “Oh no! I ruined my shirt! I can never wear it again! [pause] I hate this shirt.”
A minute later when he re-noticed the blood from before. “Oh nooooooooo!”
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He attempted to sing the 12 Days of Christmas along with the Muzak. Poorly.
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A chair squeaked in the hallway. “IS THAT A PUPPY?! Is that Tommy? Tommy the recovery puppy? I want a puppy!”
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He was feeling his pants and they were making a rustling noise. “Why are your pants making noise?” “It’s flesh. [pause] I should iron these pants.” (They’re sweatpants.)
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When the nurse went to take his blood pressure he told the nurse she had very soft hands. Then he complimented her ring. “A lot of people don’t like green things but it’s very nice.”
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“The Spanish lady isn’t Spanish any more.”
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“I was awake for the whole thing. The doctor was talking about how nobody in the office likes him.”
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“It worked”
“What worked?”
“My legs. They still work.”
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He said he wants to use the $10 I owe him (we had a bet on whether or not they’d do the surgery) to buy a ball pitching machine [“It’s NOT a pitching machine cause they use them for tennis!”] like they have at batting cages, but big enough to shoot dodge balls. He wants to donate it to Creative Choices summer camp. “Why?” “Well, *I* don’t want it!”
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“How did I get here?” [the room]
“You walked.”
“No I didn’t!”
“She said you did.”
“She’s a bullshitting liar!”
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“My legs work again!”
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“They put a thing over my nose and told me it would make my arms tingle…but then it made my balls tingle and I got worried. They told me it was okay and I’d be able to have kids.”
“You *asked* them?”
“I should have some say if my babies are going to die!”
Yes, dear, you certainly should.
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Shopping is Scary
I didn’t shop on Black Friday. I actually finally went to the mall tonight because I figured it would be safe by 5pm. (I may have been right about this – Santa was sitting alone killing time until he could put up the “feeding the reindeer” sign for the night.)
I had to return an item at JC Penny and check something at Macy’s. It’s very festive at the mall. The system at Penny’s played “Mele Kalikimaka,” which I actually consider a sad excuse for a Christmas song. Not a fan. I made my return, and headed over to Macy’s. While I perused the clearance rack, I was stunned to hear Mele Kalikimaka again. A different version of course. Creepy, right?
Eventually I left Macy’s to trek back through the mall to get back to my car. And as I crossed through the doorway back into the mall… Mele Kalikimaka was playing. Because CLEARLY MY LIFE IS A LIVING HELL.
And that’s why I avoid the mall during the holidays.