Posted in coolness, humor, photos, stuff

Peeing Like a REAL MAN

I love the people on my project team. I cannot express in words how much I love them all. Friday, 4 of us were stuck in a tiny conference room, and topics ranged from giant horrible spiders, how to properly poach an egg, farting, and whether ladies rooms are dirtier than men’s rooms. These are pretty typical topics, by the way. The men’s room topic morphed into a discussion about how great it would be if women could stand up to pee (it would be) and my project sponsor mentioned he’d heard a story on the radio about a product that helps women pee standing up. Of course, that became the most important thing ever.

I let one co-worker get so far as typing “Female Urination” into his work laptop’s Google search before we pointed out that pressing Enter would cause every security person in the building to come bursting through the door. I pulled up search on my iPhone – the single greatest reason to own a smartphone on the planet is to be able to do searches without invoking the “red corporate security screen of death”.

We found the product in question – the “Go Girl“. At the time, Amazon had it for $4. How could I NOT buy one for $4? Plus Amazon Prime’s $3.99 overnight shipping meant I’d have it today. Oh, yes. Yes indeed.

UPS dropped off the package before I was even out of bed this morning. My room is over the back door, and I heard my friendly UPS driver yell out “UPS!” and I knew it was my lucky day. Sent the boy to fetch the package and ripped into it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That looks vaguely, um.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And here is the booty: a plastic storage bag (for after you use it), two squares of toilet paper (obviously, not enough) and taa-daa, the Go Girl.

 

I don’t have photos of me using it, but I did use it, right before I took a shower. It was weird. It worked fine; no, uh, spillage. It would be awkward to have to do something with it immediately after use (“excuse me while I put this urine-covered silicone funnel in my purse.”) The real test will be trying to use it while I’m dressed. I’m tempted to go out in the woods with it, to simulate a real-world scenario. It would probably be good to have friends giving me beer and encouraging me – you can’t get more real-world than that.

Share
Posted in coolness, Uncategorized

BDT Report: Timekeeper Praised for Her Clock Skills

Ellen Sojka, official timekeeper for the Littleton Tigers 7th grade football game on Saturday, was the star of the show. Her timekeeping skills were praised not only by friends and family, but by the booth. Also, it was noted that game officials were using HER time as official time, showing a great respect for her accuracy. Ms. Sojka has been asked to maintain these duties for the rest of the season, as nobody has done nearly as good a job.

Ellen RULES!

[My niece  is looking for a little search engine love because her brother gets more hits for his name than she does for hers so I am adding some stories about her so that the world will see these if they search for her name.]

Share
Posted in coolness, Uncategorized

BDT Report: Littleton Native Saves Lives

Ellen T. Sojka of Littleton MA has saved the lives of countless bugs and flies by letting them out of the house instead of killing them the way her heartless brother (who shall remain unnamed so this will not show up under him in search engines) squishes them. That is because Ellen is a wonderful human being who is way more special than anyone else in her family.

Share
Posted in coolness, Uncategorized

I’d Rather Be in New Zealand

I was looking at my iGoogle page, to see what depressing weather forecast they had for me. The odd thing is that I saw “Marlboro” listed twice. The background on Marlboro is that is where I used to work, in Massachusetts, until my company moved my department down to the Smithfield, Rhode Island campus. It’s an awesome building, and I love it. It’s just not in Marlboro. (Trust me, I’ve done all the testing to verify it.)

I don’t know how my iGoogle weather gadget came to have Marlboro listed twice. More importantly, I don’t know how it came to have Marlboro listed twice with two entirely different forecasts on it. One of them, specifically labeled Massachusetts, says it’s 48 degrees right now, and that it is raining (it is) and that it will be raining tomorrow, and that it will only be about 58 degrees. Yay.

The other Marlboro says it’s currently 68 and sunny. Well, that is odd because it’s not sunny at all here right now. It’s quite dark, given that it’s 9:30pm. And it says it’s already Wednesday. Hmmm.

Clicking the link to Mystery Marlboro opens up a map that I do not recognize. I don’t know any of the place names. I have to back out to see more of the map to realize it’s an island (Oh, how I WISH I WAS ON AN ISLAND IN THE SUN ENJOYING 68 DEGREES!)

Marlboro is a region in NZ that covers mountains down to the pacific ocean. There are apparently a lot of wineries in this area. I’m thinking Marlboro NZ kicks Marlboro Massachusetts’ ass. They have an aviation museum and a sheep sheering attraction. I’m pretty sure Marlboro MA doesn’t have that.

So New Zealand, you have won this round. But our summer is coming and yours is leaving, so I’ll be checking in again in a few months.

Share
Posted in coolness, Uncategorized

Weekend Accomplishments

I think I did okay for myself. I didn’t discover a cure for cuticles, but I did wash the kitchen floor and buy a new floor mop for the wood floors. I also made a really awesome chicken dish, signed up for a new stock photo website and uploaded 10 photos to see if I have what they’re looking for. I shopped for things online and didn’t buy all of them, because some of the things I don’t need yet.  I made a really awesome chicken dish for lunch – the kind of thing that a real cook might make. I didn’t even take a full-blown nap this weekend, even though I REALLY WANTED TO.

Oh, and I updated my website, which actually took many many hours of my weekend. Taa-daa. I was going to reward myself with a glass of wine but it’s too late and I’m tired and some joker made arrangements for tomorrow to be Monday. Last week for my group to work out of the Marlboro office before moving to the Smithfield RI office. I think it’s going to be REALLY weird in there this week, what with all the packing, etc.  I think I’m going to bring in lots of canned goods and make them move them all down to RI. Just because.

Share