Mount St. Helens

Joan: It’s just so great that you are able to join us today. I feel honored, since you’ve been so busy lately.

Mount St. Helens: Oh, you don’t know the half of it.

June: Well, all eyes are on you these days. Care to give us some insider scoop?

MSH: Funny how I grabbed the limelight from Florida and Ohio for a while there, huh?

June: “Funny” is an interesting way to put it, I suppose.

MSH: Hey, it’s funny to me! [deep, rumbling laugh]

June: You’ve made a lot of people pretty nervous. Can you give us a hint? Will we actually see more than just steam and ash?

MSH: I really can’t comment on that. Liability issues. If I blow without warning, I retain my “Act of God” status. If I sit here and tell you to circle October 14 on the calendar, Homeland Security will be all up my butt.

June: So we’re just supposed to wait and see?

MSH: And watch me on the internet! I’ve got a live webcam. I’m an Internet celebrity! The URL is http://www.fs.fed.us/gpnf/volcanocams/msh.

June: I’m impressed! That’s very cutting edge. I don’t know why, but I didn’t expect a volcano to be quite so technologically adept.

MSH: While I’m older than dirt, I feel like I’m a child of the ’80s. I really came of age back then, got a lot of press, you know? I’ve tried to stay current since then. So yes, I’m technologically savvy. But keep ’em guessing, I always say. Will I or won’t I?

June: I think I speak for many people when I say they’d prefer that you didn’t.

MSH: Ya, they say that. But when’s the last time someone sacrificed a virgin to me? Just plopped one right in my top? I can’t even remember the last time.

June: Well, we’re not so much into that in the United States, being somewhat advanced in the areas of science and religion. Well, science anyway.

MSH: Hey, you make your choices, and I’ll make mine. A virgin once in a while is like buying a little extra insurance, you know? But hey, maybe some people are looking for a little lava. I can make concessions. Maybe over in Redmond they could name the next release of Windows after me or something. Or Starbucks could make the cup sizes “Tall, Grande and Mount St. Helens”! In fact, before they even make it official, next time you’re in Starbucks, order your Café Mocha in Mount St. Helens. Or I’ll blow ash on you.

June: Thank you, Mount St. Helens. We look forward to not hearing from you soon!