Jody Replies to Your Email

To Hector,
Thanks for your kind offer, but I already have a diploma. I earned it the hard way – but putting up with other teenagers for the worst 4 years of my life. And those were back in the rough-and-tumble days when they actually had a little section of the courtyard set aside for a smoking area. It boggles the mind these days, doesn’t it? Oh, and there were only two pay phones available to all 1200 or so students attending at that time (I think I had 400 kids in my graduating class, so I’m ball-parking. I learned how to do that in high school). And we didn’t even have a soda machine so they didn’t need to pass a rule that it would only contain diet soda. Of course, back then that would have meant Tab, Diet 7-Up and Weight Watcher’s Diet Chocolate Soda, I suppose.

Dear Listerine F. Wheresoever,
Good God, did your parents hate you? I can’t believe you didn’t change your name legally once you were of age. Seriously, I’m finding it hard to take your offer seriously. Well, that and the fact that I can’t read what appears to be Russian. Although it looks really cool – I didn’t know my email could handle those characters.

Dear Jeffrey Messer,
I don’t know if you noticed, but the email address says the note came from Dalton Castillo but you claim your name is Jeffrey Messer. Are you using a friend’s computer? So anyway, I’m not exactly sure what it is you’re trying to tell me. First you say “in bladderwort it’s aspect on pearl” but later you say “try schoolhouse it armco the befallen.” A little clarification would be good.

Dear Emilia,
Holy cow, you sent your email from a bigdumptruck.com address, but I don’t even know you! That’s amazing! But to get to your note, I will say I am a little concerned. I quote “I am ready to kill myself and eat my dog, if medicine prices here [link] are bad.” Oh my goodness, someone get the smelling salts, I feel a faint coming on! Please, kill yourself if you must, but don’t eat your dog! I am sure that the prices at that link are, in fact, good. I just don’t really need any today. I’ll keep you and your dog in my prayers.

Have a nice day,

Jody